Only Human
by ruflylover
Summary: Mellie and Fitz and all their dysfunctional glory. Begins after Season 1 and departs from canon. All characters belong to Shonda.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello readers! Sorry I was MIA for a bit there. Lost my mojo. Anyway, here's another flashback between Fitz and Mellie. I've been trying to find a fanfic forever that was about after 1x7 when Mellie tells Fitz about her and Olivia's plan to save Fitz' presidency. I wanted to read about how awkward it would be for them to try and conceive Teddy. But I never could find one, so I decided to write one! It turned out a little different than I planned, but let me know what you think. Oh, and there is some foul language, fwi!

Enjoy and let me know what you think and if you have any ideas for more Mellie or Mellitz related chapters.

Mellie took her time in the shower. There was no rush on the agenda this morning. She had no meetings scheduled, no tasks on her to-do list, no appearances to be worrying about. It was a rare day in the life of a first lady, and she should have felt relieved. But she didn't, she felt anxious. And she couldn't shake the feeling. Her mind wandered back to the conversation she had had with Fitz and Olivia a few days prior:

" _And when I tell them it was you and me on the tape, I will also share my outrage about the replaying of our private moment in such a public, reckless, and irresponsible manner by the gossip-hungry left leaning main stream media, and how upsetting it's been for our family, especially at such a fragile time, given that I'm newly pregnant…"_

Mellie sighed and covered her face, letting the scalding water wash over her hands until they turned pink and tingly. What had she been thinking? She had been willing to do anything to save Fitz' presidency and she had been proud of her and Olivia's plan. It was a smart scheme, brilliant actually, but what Mellie had stupidly overlooked was the fact that her and Fitz hadn't actually slept together in years and there was a reason for that. Big Jerry had made sure to ruin that part of their marriage. Fitz didn't know about the rape, but he knew the romance was definitely gone between them. They both knew it. It was so painfully clear that sex between the two of them was _not_ going to come naturally. Fitz had tried to initiate the last two days, finally having come to terms with his mistress and his wife's plan. But each time Mellie made excuses: _I have an interview with GMA, Fitz. How about tonight? I have a migraine. Let's get it over with in the morning._ Well, now it was morning and Mellie still wasn't ready. She had left Fitz in bed, snoring, but that was an hour ago. Enough time for him to get up and shower in one of guest bedrooms, surely, Mellie had reasoned. She convinced herself he would be gone and finally turned off the shower. She opened the glass door and reached out for her towel, wrapping it around herself, she stepped onto the bath mat.

"Mellie," a familiar male voice snapped. Mellie jumped in surprise and let out a yelp, the towel falling around her feet.

"Fitz!" Mellie groaned, quickly gathering the towel from the ground and holding it to the front of her body.

Fitz looked away awkwardly and shoved his hands in his the pockets of his pajama pants, "I was just wondering," he started through gritted teeth, "if we were gonna…do this, because I really need to get this over with and move on," he tried to look back at Mellie but caught a glimpse of her backside in the mirror and jerked his head away again.

Mellie rolled her eyes and whipped the towel around herself again, "Right now?" she asked, angrily. She felt her guards go up automatically; putting on the mask of irritation instead of showing Fitz how she really felt, which wa scared and embarrassed.

Fitz sighed, "Mellie, you're the one who came up with this insane plan, remember? Not me."

"I know that, Fitzgerald, and it's a damn good plan and you know it." Mellie crossed her arms over the towel and frowned. Her heartbeat was increasing rapidly and thumping a mile a minute. It was so loud she wouldn't have been surprised if Fitz could hear it.

"Mellie, listen, it's not a secret. The world may be in the dark about our marriage, but in here," he gestured around the bathroom, "we don't have to pretend. I don't want to be intimate with you right now… and I can tell you don't want to either, I mean you haven't in years, really, let's be honest. This plan of yours and Olivia's…frankly, it sucks. I get it, it saves me, and I'm thankful for that. But a baby? Do you really want to have another child, Mellie?" Fitz paused and Mellie stared blankly back at him so he continued, "I mean, let's just put the whole having sex thing to the side for a minute, do you _really_ want to put your body through this for the next nine months to birth yet _another_ child that we don't have time for?" Fitz' anger was escalating, "This is a _life_ we're talking about!"

Fitz stopped abruptly, his hands balled in tight fists at his side. He waited for his wife to respond, but she was just standing there wide-eyed with her mouth slightly open in shock.

"I…" Mellie began, and then looked up at the ceiling. She was trying so desperately not to cry; she had been putting up a strong front for so long. Her façade was starting to crack.

"Are you…are you _crying_?" Fitz asked incredulously, "You have got to be kidding me, Mellie," his voice was soft but degrading.

Mellie looked Fitz straight in the eye, "I'm not crying," she said forcefully, although there were tears beginning to pool.

Fitz shook his head and sighed, "I don't get you."

Mellie just stared at her husband. This stranger, more like. How had they gotten to this awful place? They used to be in love, they used to understand each other more than anyone else in the world. Now there was nothing between them but resentment and confusion. Mellie was at a crossroads. She could do one of two things: she could either break down and be honest with Fitz, finally try to fix their marriage or she could shell up again and just do her duty as First Lady. She thought for a moment. But the answer was simple. Mellie was not about to break now, she was very skilled at this cold and callous person she had created, she just needed to shift her mind a little…

Mellie smiled suddenly. It wasn't a sweet smile or friendly by any standards. It was calculating and mischievous. She dropped her towel to the ground and stared at her husband meaningfully, "You don't have to get me, Fitz. You just have to fuck me."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Somebody requested a pregnancy announcement in the comments. So… wish granted! At least in my own twisted and angsty way. ;)

(This is set just weeks after the last chapter)

Enjoy

Xx Kate

Fitzgerald Grant woke to the distinct sound of retching. It took only a moment to gather that his wife was no longer in bed and that it must be her in the bathroom vomiting. It took him only another moment to decide that he should probably pull himself out of bed and go check on her. It had been exactly three weeks since the couple had stopped trying to get pregnant. Three weeks was just about how long it had taken Mellie to get sick and find out about Karen, he recalled. Fitz flung his legs over the side of the bed and glanced at the clock, it read 5:37AM. He groaned inwardly and hobbled to the bathroom door, still half asleep. He didn't bother to knock.

His wife was slumped over the toilet, her hair fanning over her face. She glanced up as Fitz walked in. Her skin was a ghostly white and her eyes were dark with exhaustion. She looked so ungodly that Fitz almost laughed. He tried to hide his smile but Mellie must have been able to detect it because she glared heavily, "It's not funny," she moaned.

"Sorry," Fitz recovered, "Uhh… you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay?" She snapped, before dry heaving again into the bowl.

"Right," he said awkwardly.

Mellie crossed her arms over the toilet seat and rested her tired head, closing her eyes momentarily; she tried to make the world stop spinning. Fitz being in here really didn't help. She hated him to see her vulnerable.

"So…does this mean… it worked? You're pregnant?" Fitz asked.

Mellie looked up at him and sighed, "I don't know…I guess I'll have to make an appointment today."

"Alright," he mumbled.

Mellie started to heave again and this time Fitz rushed to hold back her hair. She lurched a few more times and glanced tiredly up at her husband, "Don't sound so excited, Fitz," she panted, smiling sarcastically.

Fitz sighed and grabbed a washcloth from the sink. After wetting it with cold water he bent down so he was eye-level with Mellie, "I hate what we're doing," he told her. But something about his voice was unreadable. Mellie waited for him to explain, but he didn't. Not right away. The couple searched each other's eyes as Fitz wiped his wife's perspiring brow, "But I'm going to try to be there for you."

Mellie's breathing hitched and she bit her lip to hold back tears. She didn't need a test to tell her she was pregnant. Her hormones were all over the place and her face was betraying her. She didn't quite want to accept what she knew was true. The stark reality of the situation was suddenly hitting her like a freight train.

Fitz tucked a stray hair behind Mellie's ear and sighed, "Our relationship is so beyond fucked up, it's not even funny. But I'm not about to bring a child into this world with parents who can't even have a conversation without fighting."  
"Fitz, I'm –

"That means we've got approximately eight months to figure our shit out," Fitz interrupted, "And no, not to save our marriage…that scenario, I think, is long gone. We need to figure out our _partnership_ , so that we can be a responsible, united, and loving unit for this baby," he finished.

Mellie huffed and placed her hand on top of her husband's, "Fitz, we don't even know if I'm pregnant, let's wait and see –

" _I know_ you're pregnant," Fitz laughed, "this is exactly how you were with both Jerry and Karen."  
Mellie frowned and groaned, "You're right."

"I'm having serious déjà vu," Fitz chuckled, looking around the room and then back at his wife.

Mellie rubbed her face with her hand and smirked sadly, "It's not quite the same, though, is it?"

Fitz looked down at their linked hands, "No, it's not."

Mellie squeezed Fitz' hand but her grasp was weak, "Was this a huge mistake?"

"Yes," Fitz answered without waiting a beat, "But it's a little late to be realizing that now, Melody Grant," he laughed. His voice was light and forgiving. There was no point in chastising Mellie for what was already a done deal. Time to move forward, he decided, looking at this exhausted woman in front of him. There was no going back.

Mellie smiled weakly at her husband and tentatively laid her head against his torso, she was drained, "Is this okay?" she asked, her eyes already shutting.  
"It's okay," he murmured, rubbing her upper back with the palm of his hand. Within minutes Mellie was passed out, her cheek pressed against Fitz' chest, one hand gripping at his shirt and the other curled against her own face. It was a rare moment and Fitz found himself savoring it. He spent a few minutes just combing through her matted hair with his fingers and then finally pulled his wife up and into his arms.

"I'm so sorry," Mellie mumbled into his shoulder as he made his way to their bed.

Fitz laid her down and then crawled in beside her. For the first time in what seemed like forever he allowed their bodies to melt into one. He wrapped his arms around her small frame and sprawled his fingers across her still flat abdomen. It wasn't forced and it wasn't awkward. In that moment, it was just a husband and a wife holding each other for support. Mellie was his wife… no matter how hard she was to deal with at times. He had chosen her and there had been reason for it, and there had to be a reason for the impossible situation they were about to endure. Fitz was determined to find out what that reason was and to do that he had to forgive Mellie. Fitz leaned over her and kissed the side of her face, "It'll be okay, champ. I'll be here," he whispered into her ear.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Long chapter to make up for a long time not updating. Let me know what you think.

The first trimester was not going well for Mellie Grant. Different from her previous two children, this one seemed to make her feel sick from the moment she rolled out of bed to the moment her head hit the pillow at night. She was nauseous and fatigued and her head throbbed and ached throughout the day. She was constantly vomiting and seemed to not be gaining weight but rather losing it.

It was the morning of her third appointment, and Mellie was worried about asking her doctor about it. No matter how much she had convinced herself that this baby was just her political duty, her greatest fear was that she would lose it. At 10 weeks pregnant now, she had grown slightly more comfortable with the idea of having a child. Fitz on the other hand, Mellie decided, had completely forgotten about the fact that she was pregnant altogether. He had been supportive at first but his efforts were beginning to decrease and he still hadn't made it to a single appointment.

As Mellie finally convinced herself to sit up in bed, it crossed her mind that Fitz pulling away could quite possibly be her own fault. Feeling ill all day, every day had not exactly been putting her in the brightest of moods and she could feel him trying to avoid her. He would get up before her and come to bed after her and sometimes she would go without seeing him all day. She hated to admit it, but Mellie felt alone. She was tired, she felt deserted, and she was scared.

Finally, after about thirty minutes of deep breathing and trying to get her nausea under control, Mellie pulled herself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. After a short shower (which was all she could handle), she made her way to the closet and examined her wardrobe. She hadn't had to alter any of her suits yet, but none of them were appealing in her current condition. None of them were comfortable.

 _I'm the first lady of the United States,_ she reminded herself, _I don't get to be comfortable._ She let her towel drop to the floor without bothering to pick it up and she slipped on the most stretchy, laciest underwear she could find. At the very least, her undergarments would be comfy. She sorted through the outfits she had hanging for the week and frowned. In one section, she had a red dress with a matching red and blue blazer; in the next section she had a cream silk shirt and a powder blue skirt…stiff, stiff, stiff… Mellie kept going down the line, her eyes grazing over each option with minimal interest. She sighed outwardly as she felt the nausea coming on again. She leaned her head against the mirror and tried to breath through her queasiness.

That's when something in the mirror caught her attention. Her stomach. There was a visible baby bump, quite visible actually. She hadn't noticed it before. Thinking back, she couldn't even remember the last time she looked at herself without clothing on in the mirror. She moved her hand over the swell and smiled. Momentarily, a fleeting thought passed her mind that this overwhelming sickness might actually be worth it in the end.

"Mellie!" I voice calling her name from the bedroom pulled her from her thoughts. She had no time to react and within seconds, Fitzgerald was in the closet with her. Staring at her. Eyes wide, mouth open.

"In here," Mellie stated with a sarcastic smile. She rolled her eyes and waited for him to speak with impatience. She raised her eyebrows as he continued to stare.

Silence surrounded the couple.

"Whoa," he finally breathed out. His line of vision was aimed down at her belly.

Mellie pursed her lips self-consciously and crossed one arm over her self, "I know," was all she could think to say.

"I hadn't noticed that before," Fitz said dumbly.

Mellie chuckled, releasing some tension, "Honestly, I didn't either, not until today."

"You look…" he began, still not knowing quite what to say.

"Pregnant?" Mellie replied, feeling progressively more uncomfortable and wary.

"Well yeah, but I was going to say 'good'," Fitz said defensively.

Mellie blushed slightly and pivoted back and few steps and quickly pulled the red outfit down off it's hanger. Slipping it on hastily, she attempted to fill the silence, "So I have an appointment today and you're welcome to come…I think we will be able to hear the heart beat at this one…or something," she moved her damp hair behind her ear and bit down on her lip. She desperately wanted Fitz to come, but saying that out loud would kill her ego and she would die before she admitted to Fitz that she was scared.

Fitz cleared his throat and shoved his hands into his pants pockets, "I…uhh… would, but I'm just really busy today, actually that's what I came over here to tell you. I actually need to take a quick trip to New York for a conference…"

Mellie's face must have visibly fallen because Fitz sauntered over to her.

"I will be back tonight, I just wanted you to know. Maybe we could have dinner together?" He placed his hand hesitantly on her arm and squeezed, "I know we haven't been spending a lot time together since we found out."

Mellie nodded and subconsciously placed her hand over her stomach. Fitz noticed and she quickly withdrew it, "I'll see you tonight, then," she forced herself to say. Her voice was low and gravely and Fitz concluded that she was shutting him out again when in reality she was just trying not to cry.

Later that morning, Mellie found herself alone in the doctor's office, her heart thumping out her chest and waves of nausea hitting her at progressively stronger rates. She sat on her hands to keep them from shaking as her doctor entered the room to examine her.

"Madam First Lady, how are we feeling today?" She asked, her kind smile only slightly easing her nerves.

"Well, not so good, actually," Mellie admitted hesitantly.

"I wondered about that, you look very pale. What has been going on?" The doctor asked, concern etched across her face.

"I know morning sickness is normal, but it's not just the morning for me…I vomit all day and I've really been feeling pretty horrible, actually. It wasn't like that for Jerry or for Karen."

"Morning sickness can be different for every woman and different with every pregnancy as well, so hopefully that eases your mind slightly, but let's go ahead and check your weight and electrolytes. How many times a day do you think you vomit on average, Mellie?"

Mellie took a moment to respond, "Well, I can't keep any food or water down, so at least once in the morning and then well…every time I eat or drink, I suppose…"

The doctor's eyes widened slightly, almost unperceptively, but Mellie caught it and it put her more on edge.

"I wish you would have told me about this sooner," the doctor said carefully, "not being able to hold down food or water can be really dangerous for your baby and you're most likely experiencing severe dehydration because of all the vomiting. Have you been having any headaches?"

Mellie bit her lip, "Every day."

"How has your stress and energy level been?"  
"I've been stressed…not sure if it's more than normal though, and I've been exhausted… _much_ more so than normal…"

"Alright. Let's go ahead and do some tests, we'll get you some Phenergan, which treats nausea, and we might actually have to get you hospitalized and hook you up to an IV to get some fluids into you. I would advise that you notify your husband because if my suspicions are correct, it looks like you have something called hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a severe case of chronic vomiting that could actually cause some damage to you and your baby if not treated quickly."

Mellie's voice caught in her throat as she tried to respond, "O-okay, I'll send him a text really quick. He's in New York…so he won't be able to respond, most likely." Mellie's hands shook slightly as she attempted to pull her phone from her bag and type a message to her husband.

TO FITZ: _Don't worry too much, but my doctor thinks I need to be hospitalized because I'm dehydrated. Just thought you might want to know. I don't know if I'll be home tonight. –Mellie_

Mellie's message was vague on purpose. She didn't want Fitz to worry unnecessarily because if it turned out to be nothing, she would be embarrassed and guilty if he decided to fly back early. She slipped her phone back into her purse and waited for the doctor to begin the tests.

xOHx

Meanwhile, Fitz had just touched down on the private landing strip in New York. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he reached down to check who the text was from. Flanked by his secret service, he made his way to the entrance of the building and barely registered the contents of the message.

"Hold on," he said to one of his men. They all stopped and allowed him to pause and read it fully. "What the hell…" he mumbled. _Damn Mellie and her elusiveness_. Based on what she had written he had no idea what was going on. He decided to call her and signaled for his security to wait as he did so. He received no answer and he started to feel sweat forming on his brow. He tried again. "Shit," he muttered as he dropped his phone back into his pocket.

"Find out what's going on with my wife, Tom," he told the man to his right. "When you do, inform me immediately, even if you have to interrupt the conference."

"Yes sir," Tom replied and detached from the group as Fitz and the rest of them retreated into the building.

Fitz couldn't focus in the meeting as well as he would have liked to and he kept glancing at the door expecting Tom to appear at any moment. The conference went a full two hours and finally ended. Fitz excused himself from the room first and found Tom standing outside of the door waiting for him.

"What are you doing? I told you to find out what was going on and inform me immediately," Fitz barked, not caring that other diplomats were now exiting and catching the whole conversation.

"I'm sorry, sir. I called and got the information but your wife insisted that you not be disturbed."

"You follow _my_ orders, not hers," he growled, "Now what's going on?"  
"Madam First Lady has been hospitalized for a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum. Her doctor informed me that it means chronic vomiting and dehydration and…"

"Alright, I need to get back right now," Fitz interrupted, realizing the severity of the situation.

"Yes, sir," Tom replied.

xOHx

Back at the hospital, Mellie was finally beginning to feel better than she had in weeks. Her nausea was subsiding and the IV hydration was doing its job. It was four o'clock in the afternoon and she was just about to drift off to sleep when Fitz appeared in the doorway.

Mellie looked up at him and tears immediately started to percolate in the corner of her eyes, "Hi," she managed, feeling a huge sense of relief. She didn't like to admit it, but Fitz always made her feel safe and having to go through this without him had drained her.

"Mellie, what the hell," Fitz said through gritted teeth. He was obviously upset.

His reaction immediately changed Mellie's demeanor. "It's not a big deal, Fitzgerald," she said defensively, a wall immediately going up to protect herself. It was a double-edged sword. She so desperately wanted her husband there to support her, but an automatic shield had been built up so long ago that she couldn't help but react to her husband in a hostile manner. It was her way of trying to convince herself that she could do it on her own.

"It's not a big deal? You are in the hospital, Mellie. You are pregnant and you're hooked up to all these IV's and you're saying that's not a big deal? And then you send me this vague text and don't answer when I call. I mean, I had no idea what state I was going to find you in when I got here!"

"Well it obviously wasn't that concerning because you clearly finished your meeting before coming," Mellie said, her voice icy and standoffish.

Fitz scoffed, "Are you kidding me? I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," Fitz continued anyway, "No. You know, I tried to figure out what was happening, but you told Tom not to bother me. It's like this is some sort of game to you. When are you going to stop trying to guilt-trip me?" He spat.

Mellie sat up straighter in her bed, "I'm not trying to guilt trip you, Fitz," she shouted, tears springing to her eyes, "I have a condition that's been making me feel like shit for weeks, but you wouldn't know that because you haven't batted an eye at me since I told you I was for sure pregnant!"

Fitz opened his mouth to respond but then clamped it shut.

"If I'm not mistaken, you told me that you would try and be there for me. You told me that we were going to work on our partnership but all you've done is pretend like I don't exist. I'm not trying to guilt trip you, Fitz; I'm not even trying to get your attention any more. I told Tom not to bother you because I didn't actually want you to come back early…I mean, maybe I did deep down, but I wanted to show you I can do this on my own. I know I royally fucked up, I know my part, but the real question is do you?"

Fitz was quiet for a moment, just searching Mellie's watery blue eyes. "What do you want me to do, Mellie?"

Mellie sighed, "I just want you to be honest. Don't tell me you'll be there when you wont. I can handle being alone; I have for quite some time. But what I can't handle is getting my hopes up only to be shattered. So just tell me what you truly feel towards me so that we can both move on."

"I can't be there for you, Mellie," Fitz whispered, "Not like I was with Jerry and Karen."

Mellie closed her eyes and let a tear escape. It's what she expected to hear but it didn't make hearing it any easier.

Fitz continued. "I don't love you…I love someone else. I know I told you I would try… and I still do want to work on our partnership…but I just think I've been struggling with how to do that without being intimate at the same time. I'm so used to experiencing you being pregnant and being in love with you at the same time…it's just so different now." Fitz struggled with his words and they all seemed to be coming out so dreadfully wrong.

Mellie frowned, "I obviously wish that wasn't the case…" she began, tears escaped from her eyes steadily, "I still love you," she choked, "but I get where your feelings are and why you feel loyalty to…her."

Fitz sat on the edge of his wife's hospital bed and took her hand, "I'm sorry, I really am…"


	4. Chapter 4

Fitz stood at the edge of the room by the bathroom door, his plain white t-shirt clinging to his still damp body from the shower. Mellie was reclined in the bed, where Fitz had not been sleeping for the past month. She pretended not to notice him as he ran a towel threw his hair and stared at Mellie from across the room. He shook his head and disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. When he returned he made his way over to the door.

"Goodnight," Mellie mumbled noncommittally, not looking up from her book. But Fitz didn't make it to the door. He stopped at his side of the bed and sat down on the edge. This caused Mellie to finally look up.

She edged her reading glasses down to the tip of her nose and furrowed her eyebrows, "What are you doing?"

Fitz cleared his throat and looked away, "Going to sleep," he answered, shrugging.

Mellie scoffed, "In here?"

Fitz met her gaze, his expression unchanging, "Mhm," he nodded, flinging the covers back and settling in.

Mellie rolled her eyes and positioned her legs so that her book was resting on them; she flipped the cover open and pretended to read. Fitz nestled down further in bed and pulled out his cell phone. The couple was silent. Both pretending to be occupied with something they clearly weren't engaged in.

"What," Mellie suddenly barked, "is your _girlfriend_ out of town?"

Fitz set his phone down on his stomach and shifted his body so that he was propped against his pillow, "Is there a problem here?"

Mellie bit her tongue, the fury apparent in her eyes, "No," she finally said curtly. Mellie couldn't figure out what kind of game Fitz was playing, but whatever it was she wasn't going to lose it. It had been a month since he had told her he didn't love her and couldn't support her and so far he had stuck to that. Earlier today though, several magazines had been tossed on her desk by someone – probably Cyrus – each plastered with images of a now clearly pregnancy Mellie in various outings around town. Fitz wasn't pictured on any cover, and the headlines ranged from "Mellie Grant's Baby Bump Diary" to "Mellie's Busy with Baby – But Where's Fitz?" to Mellie's personal favorite "First lady, Last Priority: Grant Has No Time for Pregnant Wife!"

Mellie's plan was clearly working. She had been purposely traveling alone to do all her baby shopping, knowing the paparazzi would take hold of the story. At first, it was just something to do to distract her from thinking about how alone she felt, but each time she was bombarded by those shutterbugs and they'd continued to shout "Where's President Grant, Mellie?" she started to formulate a little plan in her mind. She hadn't known if it would play out the way she hoped, but seeing Cyrus' annoyed face stomp past her in the hall day, the magazines lying on her desk, and now Fitz here, about to sleep in their bed, with her, for the first time in a month, she knew it was working. Her plan to win Fitz back was in full swing.

Mellie put her book down and grabbed her lotion from the bedside table. She pulled open her robe and then began to rub the lotion down her sides where her belly had begun to fill out.

"What is that? It smells horrible," Fitz commented, not even glancing toward his exposed wife.

Mellie shot her husband an annoyed glare, "It's cocoa butter, I don't want stretch marks," she said flatly, and continued to rub it in.

"Did you buy that at one of your baby stores?" He asked sarcastically.

Mellie rolled her eyes, "So that's what this is about?"

"What?" Fitz played dumb.

"The magazines. Cyrus put them on my desk this afternoon," Mellie said matter-of-factly.

Fitz took a deep breath, "Actually, now that you mention it, I did see those. Interesting perspective that _all_ the writers seemed to take, so what…did you pay the tabloids, Mellie?" He demanded. Venom seeped from his words.

Mellie's mouth fell open, "I most certainly did not, Fitzgerald, how dare you even ask me that?"

Fitz laughed, "You expect me to believe that you are just out shopping at all these baby boutiques alone because you're what…so excited about our kid coming? I don't think so."

Mellie's face sunk. This was not how she'd expected this night to go.

She pulled her robe closed and set the lotion back on the nightstand, she exhaled heavily, suddenly exhausted. "I'm just trying to get on without you, Fitz, that's all. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to have a baby in six months and it needs clothes and diapers. Shocker, I know," she rolled over on her side away from her husband, abandoning her plan, and pulled her book out again.

"So you didn't just orchestrate this to make me look bad?" Fitz asked, remorse escaping from his mouth.

Mellie didn't turn, "No, I did not," she confirmed. It was the truth. She hasn't done it to embarrass Fitz; she had done it to make him feel guilty. Which in hindsight, might not have been the best plan, she now realized.

Fitz sighed in defeat, "I'm sorry," he said plainly.

Mellie rolled over then and scooted up in bed until she was eye to eye with Fitz. They searched each other's eyes. Many things were said with silence after 20+ years of marriage.

Mellie looked down at her book and pulled a picture out of the pages that she had been using as a bookmark. She set it down on Fitz' lap. It was a 3D sonogram from her 2nd trimester appointment this morning.

Fitz picked up the picture gingerly with two fingers as if it would burn him. Mellie was about to snatch it back in embarrassment, but then Fitz grinned.

"Is it sucking its thumb?" He laughed, pulling his glasses out from his bedside drawer and adjusting the picture in front of him so he could see.

Mellie smiled uncontrollably and scooted closer to her husband so they could admire the image together.

"Yeah," she answered, "Apparently they do that at 14 weeks."

"I forgot about all those milestones," Fitz remarked, rubbing his thumb over the photo. "I remember that calendar we had when you were pregnant with Jerry and you would check off all the boxes as they happened…you were obsessed with doing that," he joked.

"Um no, they weren't checkmarks. They were _stickers_ , I would put stickers on the boxes whenever he passed a milestone," Mellie corrected, laughing at how silly she sounded.

"Even better!" Fitz responded, clearly amused.

Mellie slapped his arm playfully, "Don't make fun! If I remember correctly, you were just as "obsessed" as I was," she said, using her fingers to make air quotes.

"Not true," Fitz retorted, feigning offense.

"Ohhh, so did you or did you not have The Belly Book in the top drawer of your desk?" Mellie asked, covering her mouth as Fitz' mouth dropped open in shock.

"I didn't know you were aware of that," he said.

Mellie couldn't control her giggles, "I thought it was sweet," she cooed.

Fitz folded his arms over his chest, "I only did it to make sure Jerry was staying on track…developmentally," he defended.

"It's not something to be ashamed of, Fitzgerald. You were the best father I could have hoped for my children, and when I found that book, I just knew…" Mellie's voice tapered off and an uneasy tension rose between the couple.

"Anyway…" Mellie said awkwardly, stuffing the sonogram back between the pages of her book, "Anyway, that was a long time ago."

"It was," Fitz agreed.

The couple was silent once again.

A/N: should I continue? Any readers still out there?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, so I know I have at least 12 readers, which is amazing! Thank you all for commenting so that I know someone is on the other side of this story still wanting it to continue! This chapter went a weird direction at first so I had to tone it down and change a few things, that's why it took me so long to update. Let me know what you think!

Xx Kate

"Karen, can you hear me? I can see you but I can't hear what you're saying!" Mellie yelled into her iPhone, holding the device away from her face and squinting into the camera. "This god damn phone, I can't figure out Facetime," she swore and attempted to keep pressing all the buttons she could find.

Fitz appeared in the doorway of her office and she jumped from her desk and ran over to her husband, "Fitz, thank god, I need you to figure this out," she said, waving the phone in his face.

"Ok, but I need to talk with you later…Hi Karen!" Fitz waved to his daughter's annoyed image on the phone and then clicked something on the screen. Karen's voice suddenly emitted from the phone.

"Hello?" it screeched in exasperation. Mellie grabbed the phone quickly away from Fitz.

"Karen, honey! Sorry about that, baby. Just got a new phone and I'm afraid there is a learning curb." Mellie took a seat on the couch in the middle of room and held the phone perilously close to her face.

"Jeez, took you long enough to figure it out, mom!" Karen laughed.

Fitz leaned over the back of the couch, bent over Mellie's shoulder, and guided her hands out further so that he was in the picture as well.

"Actually, I'd like to point out that _I_ figured it out," he said, grinning.

Mellie rolled her eyes, "I would have hit that button eventually."

Fitz glanced down at his wife and smirked, "Coming from the technologically challenged woman who couldn't figure out how to set the timer on the oven."

Karen gasped from the phone, "Mom…You used the _oven_?"

Fitz howled with laughter and Mellie pouted, "For your information, I've been cooking a lot in my free time."

"Oh, god, well then I'm super thankful I've not been home!" Karen joked.

"Are you inferring that I'm not a good cook?" Mellie asked, feigning shock.

"Yes," both Fitz and her daughter answered simultaneously. Mellie gasped and slapped her husband playfully on the shoulder. She couldn't help but laugh though, because she knew it was true. She had tried to make a simple roast chicken the night before and it had turned out drier than California in the drought.

"You ate everything I served on your plate, Fitzgerald!" Mellie protested.

"I didn't want to upset you…" he said slowly, a grin still plastered on his face.

"Do my _raging_ hormones frighten you, honey?" she drawled, her southern accent making a sudden appearance.

"What raging hormones? You're as meek as a mouse, Mellie Grant," Fitz replied, his sarcasm apparent but his intent harmless.

"Oh aren't you hysterical," Mellie giggled.

Karen Grant just stared in astonishment as her parents continued with their playful banter. She hadn't seen them like this since she was a little girl. Or maybe she had never seen them like this…it was disturbing but oddly comforting to her.

"So mom," Karen finally interrupted, "the reason why I'm calling…how are you and how's my baby brother or sister?" Karen beamed into the phone.

Both Mellie and Fitz glanced down toward Mellie's round abdomen, "Well personally, I'm finally starting to feel like my old self again. And he's moving a ton lately, actually," Mellie replied, smoothing her white blouse down with her two hands.

"He?" Fitz asked in amusement.

"Did you guys find out the sex and not tell me?" Karen asked, appalled.

"No, no, I guess I didn't mean to say 'he,' could be a girl, of course," she clarified, "I just have this feeling though…" she said, her voice wavering. Mellie didn't like to talk about her pregnancy much and no one really asked very often.

"You never told me that…" Fitz said quietly behind his wife, feeling offended.

Mellie turned her body to face Fitz, "It's not like we really talk about that kind of stuff," she muttered, more for him than for her daughter. She was feeling defensive.

Fitz thought for a moment and then replied, "You're right, I should ask. I'm sorry," he said genuinely.

Mellie smiled faintly and put her hand on Fitz' hand, "That's alright," she assured. She suddenly got so caught up in her husband's eyes, their contact unwavering, that she almost forgot her daughter was still on the screen in her outstretched hand, witnessing everything.

Karen coughed to break the tension, "Anyway, I hope it's a girl," she laughed, "I want a little sister to dress up and play with."

Mellie and Fitz both chuckled, "Well, in about five months, we'll know…and I'd like to find out in front of America," Mellie said.  
"In front of America?" Karen asked, confused.

"You want that to be filmed, Mellie? Isn't that sort of private?" Fitz asked.

"It'll be good for ratings," Mellie said, "People want to know."

"Why does everything always have to be about the ratings with you?" Fitz snapped.

Mellie shot Fitz an irritated glance, "We can talk about it _later_ ," she said through gritted teeth.

"Actually, you know what, I have to run off to class, so you guys feel free to talk. Jerry and I will call again in a couple of days! I love you," Karen said hastily, wanting to get off the phone as quickly as possible.

Mellie and Fitz both said their goodbyes and Mellie hung up the call.

The couple was silent for the moment, neither really wanting to get into it. Fitz walked over to Mellie's desk and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for his wife to start arguing with him.

Mellie sighed heavily, "I don't want to fight right now," she said.

"Neither do I, Mellie, but we have to talk about a couple of things," he said, "We _can_ do it calmly, we're both capable adults."

"Fine," Mellie agreed, "What did you want to talk about?"

"I have a proposition," Fitz started.

"I'm listening."  
"I'll agree to revealing the sex of the baby on live TV if you do something for me," he said.

"And what is that?" Mellie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her abdomen.

"Cyrus is not happy about my image lately…the magazines last month and everything…"

Mellie smirked, "Okay…"

"And anyway, Cyrus suggested something and I think it's a good idea."  
"Just spit it out, Fitzgerald!" Mellie was getting impatient.

"A weekend at Camp David, just the two of us," Fitz answered quickly, the word tumbling from his mouth. Mellie just stared at her husband, her face twisted in disbelief. Fitz' face turned red.

"Just the two of us?" She snorted, "So…a couple days of photo ops, you mean. I thought you didn't care about ratings, Fitz."

"Well, it's not just about photo ops," He said defensively. Mellie eyed him suspiciously. They both knew better.

"Then what else is it about? Does Olivia know about this?"  
Fitz knitted his eyebrows together in confusion, "Why would Olivia know about it?"  
Mellie just shook her head in amazement, "I don't know who you're trying to fool."

Fitz ignored her comment. "I think it would be good for us to have a weekend away before the baby comes, a lot of couples do it," Fitz spoke rationally.

"We're not _like_ a lot of couples, Fitzgerald!" Mellie's frustration was increasing by the second.

"I said we could do the gender reveal your way. It's not that much to ask, Mellie, really…"

Mellie took a moment to look into her husband's pleading eyes. She could see guilt in them…maybe she could use this request to her advantage; maybe a weekend away _could_ actually be good for them. But would he really want to use the time for that? She didn't know. There was one way to find out…

Mellie stood from the couch and sauntered over to where Fitz was leaning against her desk, "So you want a weekend with _me_?" she asked, stopping just a foot in front of him.

He took a deep breath, "Yes I do," he confirmed, pushing himself from the desk so that he was towering above her.

She stared up at him and for some reason she felt her heart speed up and her breathing increase. Fitz glanced down at her rising chest and suddenly felt an overwhelming heat flush across his face and neck.  
"I'll do it," Mellie sighed, sending shivers up Fitz' spine.

A/N: So what do you think? A weekend away for Fitz and Mellie could go one of two ways…any predictions?


	6. Chapter 6

The night before the Camp David weekend, Mellie couldn't sleep. It was five in the morning and she hadn't once closed her eyes. If someone had asked her why, she would have blamed it on the pregnancy and how uncomfortable she was. But in all honesty, it had nothing to do with that. It was actually becoming a sort of habit lately - stay awake at night wondering about things, worrying about things, thinking of things that could have been but weren't. Tonight she was stuck on one thought in particular, _where had things gone so horribly wrong?_

Mellie turned toward her husband, and found herself studying his face, his light eyelashes, his worry lines, his chiseled chin, the scar near his ear you couldn't see unless you were looking for it and probably wouldn't even be able to find unless you were as close to him as Mellie was now…she wondered if Olivia knew about that scar…or how he got it…she fought the urge to reach out and touch it.

Fitz' hand was curled up near his face. He had always slept with his hands like that. Mellie had once teased him about it: " _You look like sleeping beauty"_ she had joked. He had fired back something about Mellie looking like _the frog_ when _she_ slept because of all her snoring. Mellie had feigned dismay and then they had laughed and shared a kiss… that had probably led to more. _Where had things gone so horribly wrong?_

Lost in her thoughts, Mellie reached for his hand and grazed the tips of her fingers over his knuckles. _These same hands have held me once_ , she thought. _They have held me, and it had meant something._ She covered her small hand over his and was about to close her eyes when Fitz' suddenly peeled open. Blue orbs met grey ones. She didn't remove her hand but a blush did appear on her face. She was glad it wasn't too light outside.

Fitz blinked in confusion and groaned, "What time is it?"

"Still early," Mellie responded. If Fitz thought her hand placement was odd, he didn't say so. She chalked it up to him being half asleep.

"Why are you awake, then?" he yawned.

"I don't know, can't sleep I guess."

"Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He was still groggy and his eyes were struggling to stay open. Slowly his eyelids would close and reopen. Close and reopen.

Mellie squeezed his hand gently, "I'm fine. Go back to sleep, sleeping beauty."

Fitz knitted his eyebrows together, momentarily confused. But then his mouth twitched and he grinned, pulled Mellie's hand under his cheek, and kissed her wrist, "You should get a few hours in too, froggy," he chuckled. Mellie smirked and then closed her eyes, fighting the urge to say _I love you_. She had to quickly remind herself this was not 1999 and Fitz did not still love her the way he once did. It was not the same. _Where had things gone so horribly wrong?_

When Fitz woke up two hours later, Mellie's hand was still wrapped in his, curled under his face. She was facing him, her knees touching his own. He didn't move right away, caught off guard by the urge he felt to just pull his snoring wife into his side like he used to do in the mornings. He didn't though, partly because he didn't know how she would react but mostly because if he did, lines would be blurred and he would find himself hurt again when she decided to reject him like she would inevitably do. Mellie was not the same woman he married and sometimes it was hard to remember that, especially when she was just inches from his face, her mouth parted slightly, her hand under his cheek. He had to remind himself that she was not the same, that she was cold now. Olivia was his new warmth and no matter what was about to transpire this weekend at Camp David with Mellie, that wouldn't change. This weekend was for public image. Nothing more. Mellie had years of practice at pretending, but now it was Fitz' turn to try those shoes on for size.

Fitz untangled his fingers from his wife's and propped himself up on his pillow. The movement alone was enough to wake Mellie. She had always been a light sleeper. She opened her eyes groggily and the couple exchanged small smiles; Mellie's for once was sincere, Fitz' slightly forced.

"I'm exhausted," she groaned, reaching her arms above her head and stretching.

"Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't sleep all night. Am I right?" Fitz smiled teasingly down at her. He rolled to the side of the bed and threw his feet over the edge while she responded.

"Unfortunately…" she moaned, "I don't know what was going on. I just couldn't seem to shut my mind off, you know those kinds of nights…"

"I know them well," Fitz chuckled as he made he way to the bathroom. Mellie watched as he disappeared inside. She smiled to herself remembering their middle of the night talk. The smile was still plastered on her face when Fitz returned a moment later with her robe in his hand.

"What are you grinning about?"

A giggle escaped Mellie's lips as she sat up and reached out for the robe Fitz was walking over to her, "I must just be delusional from lack of sleep," she lied. She giggled again at the expression on her husband's face as she wrapped the robe around her figure.

"Seriously," Fitz said bemused, "What is going on with you this morning?"

She shook her head and walked past her husband into the bathroom, "We're going to Camp David, today," she said simply.

Two hours later, the couple was hand in hand on the tarmac walking toward their plane. The press captured photos from a couple yards away. They walked up the steps and waved to the cameras from the door: the money shot.

"Thanks for doing this, Mels," Fitz whispered as they turned to enter the cabin.

"Sure, Fitz," she beamed. Fitz thought this morning was the most he had seen his wife genuinely smiling in the last fifteen years combined.

They both took their seats across from each other and Fitz for the first time noticed what Mellie was wearing; dark wash jeans tucked into knee high brown boots, a white cashmere sweater and olive green military style jacket.

"You look good, Mellie," he said honestly. He liked when she wore things that reminded him of before the presidency, before the governor's mansion even. He couldn't recall a time when she had worn jeans since then. But he liked it.

"Wait, hold on," she said, reaching into her purse. She pulled out a navy blue baseball hat with the USA Eagle Seal printed with the words "Camp David." She fitted it firmly over her perfectly done curls and grinned.

"That's –

"The hat you got me for our first anniversary, yes," she finished for him.

Fitz couldn't help but match her grin, "I didn't think you still had that!"

"Of course I do," Mellie laughed, "When you gave it to me you said –

"This is for our trips to our future vacation home." This time Fitz finished.

"Who would have thought that you had been right," she smirked.

"Well, kind of, we haven't actually ever been there together…" he said, "Not truly anyway, and not the way I meant it back then."

The smile slipped from Mellie's lips and she quickly folded her hands in her lap and turned towards the window, "I know," she murmured.

Fitz found himself wishing for her smile to come back. He had forgotten what it was like to witness her true smile and how beautiful she was when she was happy.

A/N: Okay, so I don't really know where this is going yet… I suppose this was kind of just a filler chapter. But if you faithful readers out there have any suggestions, I would gladly consider! I need some inspiration, so comment away! 3


	7. Chapter 7

Normally, Camp David was an oasis for a president, a place where the leader of the free world could escape the hustle and bustle of Washington, a place absent of leering eyes and the public spotlight. It was meant to be a private getaway. But that was not the purpose of this particular trip and both the First Lady and President Grant were completely aware of the situation. That's why, when Fitz and Mellie stepped off the private plane in the helipad of the retreat, it was no surprise that a scene very similar to the one they just left back in DC awaited them: Fitz had invited the press. In retrospect, it shouldn't have startled Mellie, but it did. On some subconscious level, she had started to trick herself into believing that her and Fitz' trip was about to be some romantic getaway.

Mellie inwardly chided herself on her stupidity as Fitz grabbed her hand and swiftly walked through the crowd of camera crew and journalists. They shouted questions like normal, but none quite penetrated Mellie's ears. She was far too fixated on Fitz' cheesy grin. Looking at it almost made her sick. She was suddenly struck with a fascinating thought: this revolted feeling she had toward Fitz regarding his insincerity was probably the exact same feeling that he had experienced towards her for the past fifteen years. The reason that this particular version of Fitz' smile made her feel like running to the toilet, she realized, was quite possibly because it was so familiar to her. It was that exact smile that _she_ had perfected so brilliantly. It dawned on her in that moment that over the last decade pretending and reality had gradually blended together so completely that she had been entirely blind to the difference. That is, until now. It was an overwhelming epiphany and Mellie suddenly felt very faint. A black town car was idle a few yards away waiting for the first couple, but Mellie wasn't entirely sure she could make it that far. The sensation in her legs was almost totally gone and she wasn't even sure if she was walking or levitating at this point.

Mellie tugged at Fitz' arm and he glanced at his wife for the first time since they had descended the steps of the plane. He noticed her pale face immediately and grabbed her waist in anticipation of her collapse, "Hey, hey are you alright, Mels?"

Mellie wrapped her arm around Fitz as well to support her suddenly numb lower half, "Yeah, I'm sorry, I just don't think I've had anything to drink all morning," she lied.

"Alright, let's just get you to the cabin, honey," Fitz said, assisting Mellie the remaining few feet to the open car door. Somewhere in the back of Mellie's mind she wondered if he was just being so nice because the press were still snapping pictures behind them.

The cabin Fitz had been referring to was not quite a cabin at all but more of a luxurious lodge. The Aspen Lodge, as it was called, sat on top of a hill on a three-acre clearing. It had an extremely large living room with a spectacular view of the surrounding forest. While Fitz had unpacked and debriefed with the Secret Service, Mellie had relaxed in the living room by the fireplace. She had not moved since they had arrived and it was there Fitz found her about an hour later. He had had a whole day of activities planned ahead of time but looking at Mellie now, he wasn't so sure any of his plans would pan out.

"Doesn't look like you're up for a hike," he chuckled, taking a seat next her on the vintage green sofa.

Mellie groaned and let her head flop to the armrest, "I could rally," she sighed as she slipped her legs up onto her husbands lap and reclined against the throw pillows.

Fitz laughed heartily and Mellie grinned as she let her eyes close.

"How about we just rest for a while," he said.

"Hmm…how about a massage for your pregnant wife?" Mellie smirked, her eyes still closed.

Fitz chuckled, "You got it, princess." He began with her calves and slowly kneaded downward. Mellie hummed in appreciation. Fake Fitz and real Fitz blurred again. It was just the two of them in the living room now – no press, no reporters, and no cameras - and yet Fitz was still acting sweet. Perhaps she had misread the falsity of his earlier smile.

"Fitz?" Mellie murmured hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"I have to ask you something…"

"Anything."

Mellie was about to ask if his feelings had changed towards her in any way since the hospital. She wanted to know if he had really meant that he didn't love or if he maybe wanted to take it back. She wanted to ask if there was something she could do to change his mind. She wanted to know if she could earn his love or if it was a lost cause. She was about to ask him if there was any chance that they could still grow old together…

But she didn't have the courage.

"What hike did you want to go on? I heard it's a nice walk on the nature trail behind the house, I think I could manage that one."

Within thirty minutes, Mellie and Fitz had both changed into their hiking gear and were side-by-side walking down the nature trail. The trail was densely surrounded by forest but the path itself was nicely groomed. As far as Mellie could tell, unless you were to count the secret service that trailed several yards behind them, they were completely alone. It was a perfect opportunity for the couple to engage in a much-needed conversation.

Fitz kept glancing over at Mellie and Mellie at Fitz, but neither wanted to bring up the topic that was on the forefront of both their minds.

"I sometimes can't believe that we're the parents of teenagers," Mellie finally said.

Fitz laughed at Mellie's random admission, "Where did that come from?" He asked.

"I don't know," Mellie admitted, "I just looked at you and was suddenly teleported back to two decades ago…doesn't it feel like that was just yesterday? How did the time fly by so quickly? How in the world am I about to have our _third_ child?"

Fitz shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned sheepishly, "well…" he started.

Mellie scoffed at his innuendo, "That's not what I meant, Fitzgerald."

"I know, I know," he chuckled and paused at a fork in the trail. He pondered a moment, considering how to answer his wife. "Honestly, Mellie…It doesn't seem like yesterday to me. I look at us now and I can hardly even remember what it was like before we were in the Oval let alone twenty years ago. I see two completely different people standing right here."

"I want the old versions of us back," Mellie said, the words tumbling from her mouth and landing with incredible force between the couple. Fitz pursed his lips, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. Mellie ignored his reaction and continued, "I hate the way I am, Fitz. I hate the person I've allowed myself to become. There are things you don't know…but I don't want to use any of it as an excuse, _I've changed_. That's the bottom line," Mellie's words caught in her throat as she fought the tears that threatened to fall.

"You really think there's a way to turn back the clocks?" Fitz asked, his voice low, his tone apprehensive and pinched. He was doubtful.

Mellie shook her head and bit her lip, "All I know, Fitz, is that _I want you_. I've never stopped loving you and it…it _kills_ me to think about the hate you have for me." The conversation had resorted to whispers between the couple. Inches apart, a wife pleaded forgiveness from her husband and a husband grappled with confusion and found it increasingly difficult to turn her away.

"I do not hate you, Mellie." His words came out clipped and potent. It was all he could safely say to assure her, anything more would have been a betrayal to Olivia.

"Give me more than that, Fitz, _please_ ," Mellie begged. Fitz had never seen his wife in a more vulnerable place. There she was standing in front of him just asking him to love her and he wasn't sure where his heart was or how he wanted to respond.

"You're the mother of my children…" he tried, searching her watery blue eyes.

"Is that it?" she asked, barely audible. A tear finally escaped and slipped tentatively down her porcelain cheek.

"We bring out the worst in each other," he said gently, "It's not healthy, Mellie."

"But, I can change," she sniveled, the tears were freely falling now, "Please just give me another chance, Fitz."

Fitz reached up towards Mellie's face, nothing but his heart was guiding him now. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and cupped her face between his hands. Mellie held her breath and time seemed to stand still as his lips met hers.

A/N: Alrighty…honesty hour: I never meant this story to go in this direction, but here we are! I originally was going to have this link back up with canon, but the trains have derailed thanks to my Mellitz-brain and the Mellitz fans' reviews that have encouraged me in this direction. Apologies for anyone who had been reading this thinking I was going to keep with the true Scandal storyline. However, that being said it's for sure not rainbows and sunshine from here on out. Let me know if your still on board, readers… xx Kate


	8. Chapter 8

The kiss between the couple ended as soon as it had begun, but it left Fitz' head spinning. He looked down into his wife's blue eyes and felt like he had plunged off a high-dive into the depths of them. He was drowning – confused and overwhelmed, lost but in another sense found. Mellie's soul was being offered to him on a platter and he didn't know whether to take it or leave it. If he chose to reject her now, he knew, she would be gone from him forever.

"Say something, _please_ ," Mellie whimpered. Fitz shook his head, at a loss for words. Nothing he could possibly say would correctly articulate how he was feeling. Whatever he said, whatever he did in this moment, either way he would be hurting someone he loved. Two very different women and two very different kinds of love – which one was more real, he wasn't sure.

"Then tell me this, did you feel something in that kiss? Did it _mean_ something to you, Fitz? Tell me and I'll have my answer," Mellie said, her voice gravely and low. It was taking all she had, he could tell – she was scraping out what was left of her heart and putting it in Fitz' hands.

"I- I don't know, it _felt_ " –

Before Fitz could finish his thought, Mellie reached up and grabbed the back of his head. She pulled his face towards hers and kissed him with everything she could muster. She raked her hands through his hair and as much as her belly allowed her she pressed her body firm to his. She wanted him to _feel_ her. She wanted to give him everything that she had left to give. She wanted to show him that the Mellie he had fallen in love with was still here, she was broken but she was still here and willing to fight. With this kiss she wanted to say everything she couldn't say with words.

Mellie pulled away first, shaky and breathless. Fitz was flushed and he fought a grin as he tried to regain his breath and composure. " _Mellie Grant_ ," he groaned, his voice dripping with shock and bewilderment. Fitz had forgotten what it was like to be on the receiving end of one of Mellie's real, passionate, soft yet fiery, make-you-melt-on-the-spot kisses. He had forgotten what she was capable of making him feel like. His brain may have been jumbled, but his body was telling him exactly what to do. His heart, he would have to check in with later. Right now, all he knew was that it was jumping out of his chest.

"What did you feel?" She asked him again. She was smiling too, but in her eyes Fitz saw the fear.

Fitz pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head, "I felt like I just came home."

Mellie let out a breath that she'd been holding in and she was glad Fitz' arms were around her because otherwise she might have simply shattered into a million pieces.

"Let's go back," Fitz whispered into her ear. Mellie nodded and squeezed him tighter, unwilling to let go quite yet. Fitz chuckled and tilted her face up to his, "I'm not going anywhere," he assured her.

Mellie nodded again but didn't look as convinced. She knew the battle wasn't over for either of them - the first step had been taken but they still had a marathon to run together. And she also knew that she wasn't the only one who wanted to cross the finish line with Fitz.

The couple walked back to the Aspen Lodge, which didn't take too long considering they hadn't made it too far before they had been pulled into a conversation. They quietly strolled hand-in-hand all the way up the stairs but then barely made it past the front door before their lips were upon each other's again. The uncoordinated, fumbling, awkward dance they engaged in all the way to the bedroom was foreign to them both but all too familiar as well. As he parted from Mellie to remove his shirt, he half expected to see the little blue couch and yellow walls of the house they had shared on Morgan Street so long ago.

Fitz threw his shirt to the corner of the room and quickly slid the zipper of Mellie's fitness jacket down. She shrugged out of it without breaking eye contact with Fitz and shivered. Goosebumps formed on her arms and Fitz lowered his mouth to her skin and placed open kisses starting from her wrists and slowly making his way to her neck. As he kissed the space behind her ear, Mellie moved her hands over his well-defined abdominal muscles and settled her fingers on his belt. They trembled as she fumbled to undo it.

Fitz stopped her and covered his hands over hers, "Hey," he whispered, "Is this what you want? Is this okay?"

Mellie let out a shaky breath and smiled, "Yes, this is what I want. This is okay," she repeated, "Now undo this belt, Fitz," she added impatiently.

Fitz laughed and did as he was told. Soon every garment they had been wearing was haphazardly strewn across the room and the couple was intertwined under the covers.

xOHx

"Remind me _why_ we ever stopped doing that?" Fitz panted, collapsing back onto the pillows.

Mellie curled her body towards Fitz but didn't respond.

"I mean that was" – Fitz stopped himself and turned to his wife, noticing she hadn't yet spoken a word. "Mellie? You okay?"

She nodded quickly but then her face contorted and she screwed her eyes shut. Fitz was not convinced, he wondered briefly if he had hurt her. "Mel" –

"I could tell you why," she said quickly, her voice catching in her throat.

"Tell me why what…?"

"Why we stopped… doing _that_ ," she finished.

Fitz propped himself up on his elbow and frowned, "We stopped because you had Jerry and things…changed, right?"

"Things changed before our baby, Fitz," she said slowly. The words tasted like metal on her tongue. "I was _never_ going to tell you and I don't know if today even changes anything between us but in order to move forward either way I think you need to know." Mellie was starting to shake under the covers and her whole being was screaming for her to retreat, to push it back under the rug, to hide. She was just about to stop herself from divulging when Fitz, sensing the gravity of what was coming, found Mellie's hand and squeezed. It gave her the courage to continue.

She gathered everything she had and took in a lengthy breath, "Your father raped me, Fitz," she said, her throat was dry and she wasn't even sure if she had said it loud enough for him to have heard her.

" _What_?" Fitz was suddenly sitting up in bed now, "Mellie," he shook his head slowly, "that's just not true. It's not…wait, what did you say?" Fitz' mind was reeling and he was shaking now too. Rage was building inside of him and panic was rising in his chest. Struggling with how to respond he just continued to rapid fire questions at his gaping wife, "He did what? No… _When_? He _attacked_ you? Mellie, god… fuck, I'm going to _kill_ him." Fitz had climbed out of bed and was now pacing the room. He pulled on his underwear and walked towards the door, punching the dry wall before he disappeared from the room. Mellie just sat in shock, putting her hand to her mouth. She wasn't sure what she had expected as a reaction but this wasn't it. She quietly and slowly sat herself up and climbed out of the bed. She gathered her clothes from around the room and was about to put them back on when Fitz appeared in the doorway. He paused and held himself up by gripping the frame. He looked as broken as she felt. They locked eyes and Mellie could see the devastation written across his face and in the slump of his body and it caused her to let out a sob. She dropped the pile of clothes on the floor and just as she was about to crumple and join them, Fitz was there, encircling her in his arms.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me? All these years and I never knew a thing…" Fitz was crying now too, smoothing down her hair in a repetitive motion.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know how to ever say it without ruining everything… I ruined everything anyway, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't," he assured her, "we'll fix this. You and I are going to work this out. I'm never going to let something like that happen to you again…god, I just feel like I completely failed as a husband…"  
"No Fitz," Mellie said, pulling apart from him, " _I_ failed as a wife. I know if I would have fought harder, I could have" –

"Shh," Fitz stopped her. "I don't ever want to hear you blame yourself for that. It was not your fault, Melody." His voice was stern but gentle; it allowed Mellie to relax against his chest.

"You're exhausted," Fitz noted, resting his chin on her head. Mellie nodded under him, noticing for the first time the heaviness of her eyelids. She felt like the weight had finally been lifted from her shoulders but it had left her entirely drained. Fitz led an almost entirely limp Mellie back into the bed and curled up behind her.

"We're going to need to talk about this more, but Mellie, I want you to know right now that you don't have to be alone in this anymore, okay?"

She nodded and warmth surrounded the couple as they drifted to sleep.

A/N: soo…what did you think?


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry for keeping you all waiting! College is rough. But I'm out for the summer, so lots more writing time. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Xx Kate

Fitz woke up to the sun setting. He threw his arm across the bed expecting to feel Mellie's warm body, but all he came in contact with was cold sheets. His eyes shot open to confirm that she was in fact no longer next to him and a pit formed in his stomach. Knowing what he knew now, he was suddenly very protective over her. He quickly flung the covers off of himself and rushed into the living room of the Lodge. Mellie wasn't there either but he paused and heard noises in another part of the house. He followed them until he ended up in the kitchen.

The scene in front of him made him smile. Mellie was fumbling over the stove, the smell of burnt cheese wafting around the room. She was wearing a long white silk robe and her hair was thrown up in a messy bun. Fitz was overwhelmed with a feeling – love or perhaps lust? He wasn't sure but something compelled him to walk over and wrap his arms around her.

Mellie jumped in surprise but when she realized it was Fitz she let herself melt into his embrace, "I'm making dinner…it's not going well," she laughed.

"Grilled cheese?" He smiled into her neck.

Mellie nodded, "Burnt grilled cheese," she confirmed, pulling the pan from the stove.

"I had a chef coming at seven, but I think burnt grilled cheese sounds much better," he said, letting his hands glide over the soft silk that covered her stomach.

Mellie turned around in Fitz' arms, "Are you sure? We could just throw these away and I wouldn't be offended; I was just planning to bring you food in bed. I wasn't sure you'd want to get up after…"

"Mellie, you got up every day for the last fifteen years and _you're_ the one who went through it, please don't worry about me."  
Mellie frowned, "But I do worry, I'm worried that now that you know you'll just pity me… and that you don't really want to be with me…don't stay just because you feel obligated now, Fitz."

Fitz pulled her close to him and cradled her head into his chest, "I don't know what I feel right now, Mellie. I'll be honest. But it's not pity. If anything, my eyes have been opened to how clueless I've been. A lot of what we went through makes sense now... All I know is that if I'm not here for you right now I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Mellie sighed, pulling apart from him. Fitz melted into the big blue orbs that stared up at him. There was something about her that just made sense now. Instead of the cold, icy feeling he would get when he used to look at her, now all he saw was a confused and scared woman who felt vulnerable about how much she had been through.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he sighed, giving her a quick peck, "now let's go eat this delicious meal outside on the porch, shall we?"

Mellie smiled and nodded, grabbing the plates from the counter and plopping the black sandwiches from the pan onto them. She handed one to Fitz and they took them through the house to the back door. Fitz opened the door for her and followed her out.

It was warm outside, but rain was coming down heavily. They both sat down on the swinging bench and Mellie pulled her legs under her and let her head fall back onto the headrest.

"This is perfect," Fitz smiled, watching her.

Mellie looked over at him and grinned, "I have to say, this is not how I saw this trip going…"

Fitz chuckled and bit into the charred grilled cheese, "Me neither," he said with a full mouth.

Mellie started to eat her sandwich as well. She couldn't stop smiling. They both ate in silence as the rain fell. Suddenly a flash filled the sky, lighting up everything around them for only a moment.

"Wow," they said in unison.

"Looks like a storms coming," Fitz said.

"I think it's already here," Mellie laughed. A huge clap of thunder followed her words and she jumped in surprise.

Fitz chuckled, "Come here," he said, pulling her into him.

Mellie laid her head on his shoulder, "Gonna keep me safe, Mr. President?" she whispered, grinning up at him.

Fitz' face suddenly got very serious, "I swear to you, Melody. For the rest of my life, that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Mellie frowned and looked out towards the forest, "Don't make promises you can't keep," she mumbled under her breath.

Fitz had heard her. He turned her chin up towards him with his finger, "I swear."

"Do you? Because I don't think I could take it if you went back to…her…after all of this." Mellie bit her lip and looked down at their hands that were clasped together in his lap.

Fitz didn't know how to respond. He still loved Olivia, nothing had changed…and everything had changed. He couldn't deny what was happening here between him and Mellie but he didn't know if he could give up everything that he and Olivia had built.

"Fitz?" Mellie looked up at him and bit down on her lip when she saw how conflicted his face was. She knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I…" he started to reply to her but she quickly cut him off.

"You don't have to say it," she said, standing up in a hurry. "I remember what you said in the hospital. Nothing's changed…"

Mellie picked up the plates and started to walk back into the Lodge, but Fitz grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down.

"What are you" –

Fitz silenced her with a kiss that said everything he felt. The plates clattered to the floor but neither of them cared.

"I said I'm going to keep you safe. I meant it," Fitz said. Mellie couldn't reply with words because her throat had closed and tears were flowing freely from her eyes, so she kissed him instead, a kiss that said everything _she_ felt. They kissed and the rain poured down. And the lightening. And the thunder. Nothing else in that moment mattered.

XXX

Mellie woke shivering. She quickly noted her surroundings and realized that she and Fitz had fallen asleep together outside on the porch swing. She smiled to herself and wiggled out of Fitz' grasp without waking him. Slipping inside, she grabbed the first blanket she saw on the couch and was about to return to fall back asleep in her husband's arms, when she heard Fitz' phone ringing from the bedroom. She was going to leave it, but curiosity got the best of her. She walked slowly into the room and gingerly picked up the blinking device. As she registered what was on the screen her heart dropped into her chest.

There were 12 messages from Olivia Pope. She only had to read the first one to get the gist. It was a photo of Mellie and Fitz embracing in the woods. A paparazzi photograph. Of the first couple. In the woods. Kissing. Yesterday. Olivia's message read: _Want to explain this?_

Mellie's blood ran cold.


	10. Chapter 10

_He got me good_ , she thought, _I'm such a fool._

Mellie's mind was racing, a flood of emotions filling her body – anger, resentment, confusion, but mostly embarrassment. She was embarrassed that she had let herself believe that her husband would ever choose her over Olivia Pope. Mellie was a complicated, broken, manipulative, controlling, damaged woman and Olivia, she imagined, was completely the opposite. In what world would a man with the choice of any woman he wanted, choose her? Yes, she was angry that Fitz had directed the paparazzi to follow them on their walk in the woods, but she was angrier with herself for believing any of it had been real. She had known all along that Fitz had meant for this trip to be all about publicity, but after yesterday she thought that he might have changed his mind, called the press, canceled the photo ops. She hadn't been thinking about her and Fitz' image when she had kissed him, and she had thought that Fitz wasn't thinking about any of that either…she had been wrong.

Taking Fitz' phone with her, she returned back to the porch. Fitz was still fast asleep on the swing, his knees curled up and his hands under his cheek like they always were when he slept. This time, it didn't seem so endearing. She fought the urge to chuck the phone at his perfect face. She fought the urge to yank him up by his beautiful head of curls and force him to read the texts from Olivia and demand a response. She fought the urge to scream his name at the top of her lungs and startle him out of his adorable little slumber. She hated that she loved him so much. She wanted him to hurt like she was hurting now.

Instead, Mellie returned to the house, grabbed a piece of notebook paper from Fitz' briefcase and wrote Fitz a note. It crossed her mind briefly as she grabbed a pen that she might be overreacting, but at this point she was too worked up to think rationally. With her hand shaking, she put the pen to the paper.

 _Fitzgerald,_

 _Bravo! I did not know you were such a talented actor, honey._

 _When you wake up…call Olivia. Explain the situation to her. She saw the tabloids and rightly so, she is furious. After you tell her it was just a hoax for the press, you can head back to the city. I'm going to take a walk around the property and when I get back later this morning, I don't want to see any trace of you. Don't worry about what I told you yesterday. I lied. I made it all up. You have no ties to me. No obligations._

Mellie's whole body was shaking now as she wrote the letter and tears were falling onto the paper without her noticing or caring. After she signed her name, she placed Fitz' phone beside the paper and slipped out into the dark morning still wearing her white, silk robe.

XXX

For the second time, Fitz woke to emptiness beside him. This time he didn't worry. He pictured his wife in the kitchen making some burnt breakfast for the two of them and grinned. The sun was beginning to rise over the tops of the trees and Fitz took a moment to soak in the beauty of it. He was so surprisingly at peace. He smiled to himself at the realization that despite everything that had happened yesterday, he was more content than he remembered being in a while.

Fitz continued to savor the moment until out of the corner of his eye he saw two of his secret service men coming up the trail to the lodge.

"Mr. President," one said calmly as they approached the steps.

"Beautiful morning, isn't it?" Fitz greeted, getting to his feet.

The two men exchanged uncomfortable glances, then the other one spoke, clearly far more on-edge than the first. "Sir, we've been following Mrs. Grant since she left the lodge this morning, she's been walking for hours. We've tried to approach her but she insists on being left alone. She has the right to waive our protection…so we had to leave, Mr. President…"

Fitz furrowed his brow in confusion, not quite grasping what this man was saying, "What do you mean, _since she left this morning_?"

The men exchanged a glance again and the calm one took this one. "She left the lodge at 0400, sir."  
Fitz was still confused, "Well, did you ask her why? What did she look like? Is she okay?" The men hesitated and Fitz blood started to boil, "For Christ's sake, I shouldn't have to be asking these questions, you should already be telling me!"

"She left at 0400, sir, she was still wearing her nightgown and she looked distraught, sir, that's why we followed," the nervous one answered.

"Distraught?" Fitz was already moving into the lodge to grab his coat and shoes before they even replied.

"She'd been crying, sir," the calm one replied as they both rushed to follow him.

Fitz swore under his breath, "Where's my phone?"

"In the kitchen, Mr. President."

Fitz rushed into the kitchen, somehow managing to put his shoes and coat on in the process. He noticed the note immediately and quickly recognized his wife's handwriting. He read it hastily and swore again. He wasn't sure exactly what the note meant, but he didn't have time to check Olivia's supposed text messages and it didn't really matter anyway. What mattered was that his wife was out roaming around in the woods alone. He knew she was a grown woman and could handle herself, but the fact that she hadn't taken the time to get dressed and that she had been crying worried him. When Mellie was in that state of mind, she didn't always make the best decisions.

Fitz grabbed one of her jackets and started dialing her phone number.

"Maybe she'll answer for me," he told no one in particular. Mellie's phone rang from their bedroom and Fitz swore again, "God dammit, Mel," he said loudly as he jogged down the front steps and onto the trail. The retreat was 120 acres and Mellie could have been anywhere. The note had said "a walk around the property." _Thank you honey for being so clear,_ he thought.

Fitz' two security details followed him into the woods and listened as he barked directions, "Call a couple more men down here, I want a few more bodies looking for her. Where's the last place you left her?"

"We left her near Laurel Lodge, sir, she was heading West, simply following the trail, sir," the calm one said.

"Mellie doesn't do anything _simply_ ," he said, "but let's head that direction…and have the other men cover ground on quads. It'll be more efficient."

Fitz started jogging as his men dictated his directions into their radios.

"Mellie!" He started calling. He felt very silly suddenly, as if he might be overreacting. But his wife was upset and all he wanted to do was find her. If someone had asked him he wouldn't have been able to explain it…but he knew something was wrong.

Twenty minutes into his search, Fitz reached the 2-mile mark on the trail where it split into a fork. To the right was Laurel Lodge, where his men had supposedly left Mellie. He took that path and continued to call his wife's name.

"Mel!"

"Fitz?"

He stopped in his tracks. He had heard Mellie's voice up ahead. He picked up the pace and trekked forward, "Where are you, Mel?"

"I fell!" he heard her cry, "Down here!"

To be continued…


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Sorry that I ended the last chapter on a cliffhanger, I just couldn't help myself! But you asked for a quick update, so your wishes have been granted! Enjoy and let me know what you think! Xx Kate

Fitz' heart raced as he sprinted a few more yards over to where his wife's voice was coming from. He saw where the trail had eroded and where she must have slipped off the edge of the path down into the small creek bed below.

"Over here!" he yelled to the two men who were struggling to keep up with him. He didn't hesitate as he reached the drop off, flinging himself over the edge, "I'm coming down, don't move Mellie!"

Mellie was sobbing with pain and relief as Fitz tripped and slid down the steep slope. He cursed the whole way down and when he finally reached his wife, he quickly evaluated the situation. Mellie was covered with mud and branches, leaning up against a fallen log but she looked okay and he couldn't help but shed some tears as well. He put both hands to her cheeks and held her face tenderly, "Are you hurt?" he asked frantically.

"I'm fine," she whimpered as he pulled her face to his chest with shaking hands, "I just think I broke my ankle and maybe my wrist…I caught myself on my hands so I wouldn't hurt the baby," she choked out, Mellie could barely find the words, she was so relieved to see her husband. All her anger had vanished. Fitz kissed her tear soaked cheeks and then her lips, "Thank god you're okay."

"I think I could have made it back up, but it only just happened," Mellie explained as Fitz studied her body for damage, "I'm glad you came looking for me," she admitted sheepishly.

"It could have been so much worse, Mellie," he sighed and pulled her against him.

Mellie nodded into his chest, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she hiccupped, "I was just so angry I couldn't think clearly, and it was dark and I didn't see the path was turning..."

Fitz pulled away from her and turned to the two secret service agents who were at the top of the trail speaking quickly into their radios, "We'll need a helicopter to take her to Walter Reed. I'm not taking any chances," he ordered and then quickly turned back to his wife, "Mellie, please don't apologize. We'll talk everything through once I know for sure you and the baby are okay, all right? I can't think about much else right now…"

Mellie nodded again but then whispered something Fitz could hardly hear, "Did you call Olivia?"

Fitz shook his head in disbelief, "Mellie…"

"Was it all for show, Fitz? The kiss? Making up with me…everything that happened yesterday? I just need to know, are you going to go back to her? Did you call her?" Mellie's voice broke in defeat.

"Of course I didn't call her. I was worried about _you_ ," Fitz combed Mellie's ragged hair behind her ear and took a deep breath, "I thought I made it clear to you last night, but I guess I didn't really say it plainly enough…I can't explain what happened between us yesterday. I really can't. But whatever it was, I can't deny how I'm feeling. You, Mellie Grant, are my wife and…I _love_ you."

Mellie choked on the breath she'd been holding and her lips slowly parted into a grin. Fitz grinned back and continued, "You drive me crazy, Melody; up the wall, crazy," he laughed but then his face got serious again, "And I know what you said in your note wasn't true, I know you weren't lying because _everything_ makes sense now knowing what my father did to you. You make sense to me and I think that we can make sense together if we try to fix what's been damaged in this marriage. I think it's worth it, don't you?"

Mellie nodded vigorously, "Yes."

At this point Mellie was a blubbering mess. She was covered in dirt, tears, and little blood and yet she was the happiest she had ever been. As soon as she rested her forehead against her husband's chest, she heard the distinct sounds of a helicopter approaching.

"We're going to get you to the hospital and then we're going home, okay?" Fitz said.

Mellie took in a deep breath and sighed. For the first time in 15 years she felt safe and loved. Finally, she felt like things might actually turn out okay.

XXX

Less than thirty minutes later, Fitz and Mellie had been checked into Walter Reed National Military Medical Center and Mellie and the baby had been determined healthy, aside from Mellie's fractured ankle and broken wrist. However, both were quickly wrapped and set and Mellie was given a small dose of Tylenol for the pain.

Mellie's OB had been flown in and was finishing up an ultrasound so that Mellie and Fitz could hear the heartbeat together, assuring them that their baby was in fact, okay.

Mellie had already heard it at her last check-up, but there was something about Fitz being by her side to witness it that made it special. He held her good hand and they both couldn't keep from smiling.  
"So…mom and dad," the doctor said, her hand still on the Doppler, "Would you like to know the sex of your baby while we are here? I can tell you right now if you want to know," the doctor grinned.

Fitz and Mellie exchanged glances. Although Mellie had wanted to reveal the baby's gender on national television, something about this moment seemed far more appropriate given all that they had been through this weekend. They didn't even have to discuss it. Their smiles got bigger, if that was even possible, and they both nodded to the doctor.  
"Perfect," she said, "well then, if you look up on the screen," she pointed to a shaded area and they both squinted, "it looks like you've got yourselves a little baby boy!" she finished.

Mellie laughed and squeezed Fitz' hand, "See, I was right!" she told him.

Fitz chuckled, "I'm glad you were," he replied, giving her a kiss, "I love you."  
"I love you, too," Mellie smiled.

 _Yes_ , she thought, _things were going to turn out okay_.

And…Fin

A/N: I wasn't planning on this being the last chapter but I feel like this is a good stopping point and resolution for this story. Thank you guys so much for reading! And if I'm so inclined, perhaps there will be an epilogue. :)


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Sorry for the delay on the epilogue, but I got a bit discouraged because of a comment left on my last chapter about how unbelievable Fitz and Mellie are, Olitz forever blah blah blah. Well, if you are an Olitz fan I REALLY suggest you don't read this chapter. Honestly, fanfiction is _fiction,_ doesn't have to be realistic. Get over it and have a lovely day! For my awesome Mellitz fans, enjoy!

Xx Kate

Olivia folded and refolded her napkin in her lap and then pushed her chicken around her plate some more. She nodded absent-mindedly to the balding senator yacking beside her. She forced herself to smile when he drawled her name and held the 'o' so long she thought food would start dropping out of his mouth: _"Ms. Pooooope, would you like to hear something hee-larious?"_ She forced herself to laugh at some political pun he made about Sarah Palin. She folded her napkin again and jabbed at her chicken a couple more times.

Olivia Pope would do anything to avoid eye contact with Fitzgerald Grant who was sitting exactly across from her. This states dinner was about to be the death of her, but she would be damned to let anyone know it. It had been approximately one month since Teddy was born and approximately six months since Fitzgerald had pulled her into their spot by the window in the Oval to tell her he was getting back together with his wife – that they had to be over, he was going to try to fix his family again for the sake of the new baby.

It killed her every time she thought about that conversation, about how she had put on such a strong façade and had told him that she understood. When he had asked if she would continue working for the White House, she had said _of course_ and then she had hugged him. In their embrace, she had tried to blink back the tears.

As bad as that memory was though, watching the first couple now was harder. They looked exhausted, but deliriously happy. They looked how you would expect new parents to look – droopy eyes and dopey grins to match. They kept exchanging knowing glances and Olivia was sure his hand was resting on her thigh under the table.

Mellie noticed Olivia momentarily look up from her meal (that she had hardly touched) to catch a glance at her husband. Instead though, she caught eyes with Mellie and they held each other's gaze for a moment. Mellie was the first to break away. She felt an intense pang of compassion and sorrow for Olivia. Mellie knew all too well the pain that came from being rejected by Fitzgerald Grant and she had always liked Olivia. Mellie had always thought that in another life they could have been great friends. In another life, they could have taken over the world together. But not in this life. Not when they both loved the same man. Mellie felt badly for Olivia, but she had to admit that it felt good to finally have her husband back. Fitz' eyes were finally on her now, not on Olivia. His hand was on her thigh, not on Olivia's.

"You okay, Mel?" Fitz whispered into his wife's ear, ripping her from her thoughts. He moved his hand half way up her skirt and rubbed her leg reassuringly, "I know it's the first time we've been in public…all three of us." He moved his eye-line towards Olivia and then back quickly to his wife.

"I'm just fine," she reassured him, placing her hand on top of his and squeezing, "I'm just thinking about how Teddy's doing."  
Fitz smiled, "What a good momma."

Mellie rolled her eyes but smiled back, "I haven't been away from him more than a few hours since he was born," she explained.

"I know. I don't know how you do it. I thought we were going to do the nanny thing like we did with the other two," Fitz admitted, gripping her thigh gently.

"I don't regret my decision to go without a nanny," Mellie said, "Except for at night," she grinned knowingly.

"At night, I regret even having another baby," Fitz confessed, adding a smirk at the end.

Mellie glared playfully, "That's interesting because I'm pretty sure that I'm the one getting up with him, so I don't know what you have to complain about."

"I'm awake when you're awake, Mellie," he grinned, putting on his best cute face.

Mellie snorted too loudly and it caused various glances from around the table, including Olivia's. She ignored everyone and spoke through her teeth, "You're too much, Fitzgerald Grant!"  
"What?" He asked innocently, "I don't get what's funny."

"You sleep like a log, Fitz. You barely move in an inch when I get out of bed."

"Not true," he argued.

"How many times do I get up then per night, then?"

"Three," he answered confidently.

"Five. On average," she corrected, grinning with satisfaction.

"Fine then. Tonight, wake me up when he cries, and I'll go to him."

"You will?" Mellie asked, cocking her head in suspicion.

"Yes, Melody, I will. I cross my heart and hope to die," he signed an "x" over his chest and leaned over to kiss Mellie on the cheek.

"Wow, use of my full name and everything," Mellie giggled as Fitz moved his hand higher up her skirt. He hadn't removed his palm from her thigh all night.

"So what do I get out of this deal?" Fitz growled into Mellie's ear.

Mellie removed Fitz' hand from her leg and frowned, "First of all, it hasn't been six weeks. The doctor said six at minimum. And second of all, pay attention to your guests, I don't want people to talk," she scolded. And with a turn of her head, Mellie started talking to the governor to her right.

The night dwindled on and the states dinner finally came to a close. After making his formal farewells to his guests, Fitz decided to spend some time working before heading off to bed. Mellie retired upstairs to check on a sleeping Teddy and head to bed as well. The night had been utterly exhausting.

Fitz was pouring himself a nightcap when the door to the Oval swung open. The woman in the doorway jumped in surprise and fumbled with the pile of paperwork that threatened to slip from her arms.

"I'm sorry, I thought you had gone up with…Mellie…I-I was just coming to set these on your desk," Olivia stumbled, avoiding eye contact and bee lining it across the room. "The proposals for tomorrow," she continued awkwardly, setting the large stack of paper in the center of the desk.

"Olivia…" Fitz started.

"You two look really happy," she said quickly, finally looking up at him.

Fitz grimaced, "Want a drink?"

"No," she said swiftly, "thank you," she added as an afterthought.

Fitz nodded solemnly.

Olivia walked slowly towards the door and then with her hand on the knob she turned back, "How's Teddy? I haven't really asked."

Fitz smiled, "He's amazing, Liv. He's really, really amazing."

Olivia smiled back, but there was sadness in her eyes, "Good." Silence filled the room and Olivia turned the handle of the door and opened it.

"Liv…" Fitz called softly across the room. She stopped, but didn't turn to face him. He didn't have anything else to say and they both knew it.

"Goodnight, Fitz," she said and closed the door behind her.

XXXXX

Mellie and Fitz were both sound asleep when a sudden cry on the monitor stirred them both from their slumbers.

"Oh my god," Mellie moaned drowsily, "How long has it been since I put him down?"

Fitz groaned and glanced up at the clock, "Two hours."

Mellie turned over and pulled the blankets up around her shoulders, "It's your turn, dad."

"I have that meeting in the morning, Mel and besides you have the goods," Fitz yawned, pulling at the blanket Mellie was clutching below her chin.

"Fitz," Mellie whined, "you promised, remember? There's a bottle in the mini fridge that I pumped this morning."

"Ugh fine," Fitz grumbled, admitting defeat, "I'll be back. Get your sleep, princess," he whispered, leaning over to kiss Mellie's forehead. Mellie smiled in triumph and let herself drift slowly back to sleep.

The next thing she knew she was being woken again. This time it wasn't by her baby's cry, but instead by a touch. A large hand was splayed across her stomach and then started making its way up across her chest.

"Fitz," she mumbled, half asleep, "stop that," she batted his hand away.

Mellie felt a sudden weight on her stomach and her eyes fluttered open. She heard a small mewing sound and realized baby Teddy was resting on top of her.  
"He wanted the real thing," her husbands voice came from beside her in the dark. She didn't have to see his face to know he was smirking.

Mellie sighed and shifted so that she could maneuver Teddy into her arms.

"Turn on the light," she said. The lamp flickered on and the couple made knowing eye contact.

"You're in big trouble, Fitzgerald Grant," Mellie chided, a sleepy grin plastered on her face.

"I tried, Mel, I really tried," he pouted, "Us Grant men just know what we want when we want it."  
Mellie frowned and settled Teddy at her breast, "Well isn't that the truth," she clucked.

Fitz scooted down under the covers and rested his head on the pillow. Looking up at Mellie and his son, he couldn't help but smile, "Mel…" he whispered, letting his eyes close.

Mellie looked down at him and shook her head, "Hmm?" she asked, a soft smile at her lips.

"Love you," he mumbled, tucking his hands under his cheek.

"Love you too, sleeping beauty…"


End file.
